"My son died too." I remember the first Easter I celebrated after my son died through stillbirth. All I did was cry because I realized, I TRULY UNDERSTOOD the pain, of God's son DYING on the cross. I watched the movie "Finding Nemo" and wailed because Nemo's father, Marlin, had lost his children followed by his wife's death; however, one baby survived--Nemo. Marlin's grip on his son was so tight that it caused Nemo to rebell, and in the process, Nemo ended up missing, or as Marlin began to think--dead.
Indeed, my perspective on this light-hearted movie had changed after losing my own baby.
Like my perspective on "Finding Nemo" changed, my view on the Easter holiday altered as well. I always valued Easter as a child, the Easter story was glorious; I loved wearing the most "decked out" Easter clothes, the egg hunts were adventurous, and don't forget about the scrumptuous Easter dinner, desserts, and candy. But after my baby died, the scales had fallen from my eyes, and I empathized with every living being who lost a child. In the spirit of the Easter Season, I understood even more so that God the father, had lost a son, his son. He suffered loss too. A few years later my pastor asked me to give an Easter sermon on Jesus's words from the cross "My God, My God, why hast thou forsaken me." I knew that sentiment all too well. I felt "forsaken" when my baby died. Although, I knew God didn't and does not make mistakes, I kind of felt like he did, and as I gave that sermon, I expressed the pain Jesus cried, "My God, My God, why hast thou forsaken me." Yet, through giving that sermon, I could not deny the most crucial part of the Cruxifiction story, Jesus lives again, and still lives on. This message of hope told me that if Jesus lives again, my son still lives. His spirit will live on through me, through my husband, through the lives touched through my gruesome experience, and I will meet my son again in heaven.
In the movie "Finding Nemo", Marlin acts as, I did for years, lost, in search of a son, holding on too tightly. I learned that I don't have control over what happens in this life, but I do have control over how react to it. God blessed my husband and I with two more beautiful children who teach us daily that everything happens for a reason, often ones we can't explain. I didn't and can't explain why babies die or why life doesn't always go as we think it should, yet the Easter story teaches us, some things are beyond our earthly control. Easter teaches us, that what seems to be a mess can bring about a message and a test can be our testimony. So, like "Finding Nemo's" Marlin I learned to "let go". Maybe it is time for you to as well.